


one mistake at a time

by GoldenGogoats



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, I think?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25459915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenGogoats/pseuds/GoldenGogoats
Summary: 1 fic, 5 authors. nobody was allowed to write more than one sentence in succession. lets do this.-“Oh my god, Kaiba said the F-word,” Yugi gasped, eyes going wide in horror. And it didn't even look like it pained him to do so!“Fool! Everyone knows Kaiba doesn’t have friends!”
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	one mistake at a time

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so we did this for fun, with the rule being that we couldnt write more than one sentence at a time, we had to wait for someone else to add one before we could write the next line.  
> so shout out to my co authors, Ollie, Sea, Alex, and Micheal.  
> ollie is Sol1loqu1st and alex is EmeraldTrash666 here on ao3, and if you want more excellent ygo fic then give als works a look!
> 
> our prompt was: Kaiba is being way too nice all of a sudden and the crewgi investigates why.

Oh shit was seriously fucked. Sure, it didn’t  _ seem  _ that way at first, but as the day went on, it became clear to the students of Domino High that something was very, very wrong. Seto Kaiba, the Man, the Myth, the Dickbag, was being overtly… pleasant. Now, this may have sounded like a dream come true, but in practice it was unsettling enough to scare even the Other Yuugi into complete silence at the sight of what he presumed was some sort of deeply fucked up attempt at a smile. Jounouchi and Honda however, were not stunned to silence. 

“Alright, Kaiba, what’s the deal? Just got your teeth shined or some shit?” Jounouchi wondered, frowning in distaste at the… unholy shape Kaiba’s face-muscles were making. Whatever shape his face attempted to contort into was supposed to be, it was, all things considered: Bad.

“Actually, Jounouchi, I was just thinking about how great it is to be at school with all my wonderful friends!” Kaiba said, his horrifying smile widening.

“Ok, ok, stop.. I don’t know who you are, or why you’re wearing a skinsuit of Seto Kaiba, but it’s incredibly unsettling.” Honda had taken a step back, not quite hiding behind Jounouchi, and shivered violently. Kaiba continued to loom, his horrific attempt at smiling continued.

“I’m not a skinsuit, though -- I’m Seto Kaiba!”

“Yeah, and I’m the missing eye of Maximillion Pegasus.”

Kaiba -- or “Kaiba” -- laughed pleasantly, as though Jounouchi had told a joke. It was not pleasant, despite what the previous sentence described it as. “All of these little jokes are so great,” he said. While Jou and Honda were having the world’s most unsettling confrontation, Yugi, Anzu, and Other Yugi were trying to come to terms with the new and- astoundingly- Not Improved Kaiba.

_ “Aibou, I know you have a lot of faith in the goodness of humanity and that’s great, I respect that, but there is absolutely no goddamn way that….  _ Thing _ could possibly, actually be Kaiba."  _

_ "Sorry to intrude upon you and Yugi's mental conversations, but I wish to reiterate that I am, in fact, your dear friend, Seto Laiba who enjoys spending time with y’all!" _

A scream rang through the school hallway as Yugi realized that Kaiba’s thoughts were being projected into his brain. The class looked up in shock as suddenly, Yugi was crouched on top of a locker, looking rather like a feral cat that had just witnessed an alien abduction. He was still screaming.

“Are you… good, Yugi?” Honda asked, looking concerned. 

Jou, in a similar panic screamed "DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THIS LOOK GOOD TO YOU?"

“I, uh… I have an exorcism kit in my bag?” Bakura announced, though he looked confused as to if he was supposed to be exorcising Kaiba or Yugi.

Ignoring the lot of them, Yugi yelled, “DID YOU JUST… MIND MELD TO ME OR SOMETHING?” 

"Oh hey good morning Bakura!" Said Anzu, seemingly nonplussed by the situation at hand.

“Good morning, what did I just walk in on, by chance?” Bakura asked, glancing at Yugi, who was still on top of the lockers.

“K...Kaiba…” Yugi pointed a shaking hand at Kaiba, whose grin had only widened.

The Other Yugi, meanwhile, slowly peeked out from where he had been hiding phased through a locker- And then immediately retreated again, upon seeing that “”””Kaiba”””” was, in fact, Still In The Room. He was reluctant to communicate with yugi due to Kaiba's intrusion.

_ “Scared?”  _ Yugi heard Kaiba’s voice in his head again. 

"QUIT FUCKING WITH US KAIBA!!" 

The Other Yugi took a deep breath, and announced,  _ “I’ll have you know the last person to invade our mind ambiguously died off-screen, or something like that, so if you value your life I suggest you take my partner’s advice.” _

“I’m not fucking with you, I just love you all so much,” Kaiba said, but in their heads, the two Yugis heard,  _ “I live here now, with you!” _

No one quite saw when Yugi had switched personalities, or where he had gotten a knife, but he quite clearly held it against Kaiba’s throat as he shrieked “GET OFF MY FUCKING LAWN, ASSHOLE!”

It was quite impressive that he could reach Kaiba's throat, all things considered. Even more impressive was the upper body strength he was suddenly capable of, in order to cling to Kaiba’s jacket the way he was. 

"Yuge no don't touch him you'll be infected!!" Shouted Jounouchi in alarm.

“Infected with what?” Kaiba said pleasantly (still being threatened with a knife).

“Listen up, the only person allowed to be a disturbing opposite personality in this hellhole is  _ me, _ so back the fuck off,” Yugi snarled. 

"Oh he caught it from Yugi?" Said Anzu, employing the single brain cell available.

(Off to the side, Bakura scratched at the back of his neck, pointedly looking away while making a face that said “whoops”.)

“Don’t blame me for this!” Yugi said. “At least _ I _ have manners, unlike Mr. ‘Sorry To Interrupt, But I’m Going To Interrupt Anyway’ here.” 

"Aw but I'm being plenty polite!" Said Kaiba, displaying that he wasn't by picking up and removing Yugi from his person with one handed force.

“Okay, seriously, knock it off Kaiba,” Jounouchi said, clenching his fists.

"Yeah forreal, we want the Asshole-Kaiba back" added Honda.

_ “Guys, what if something’s wrong with him, though?”  _ Yugi said worriedly- Though nobody heard, as his body was currently being used to threaten Kaiba with a knife, as one does.

_ "What do you mean 'what if'; it's fucking Kaiba of course theres something wrong with him, have you MET him??"  _ Responded Other Yugi, the only sane-ish person capable of responding.

_ “No, I mean like, what if he’s been brainwashed or possessed or something?” _

_ “Oh, no, what if I’ve been brainwashed?” _ came Kaiba’s unwelcome reply.

_ "Shut up Kaiba, nobody asked you." _

_ “My point is, Kaiba-kun- like the real one, I mean- He might need our help,”  _ Yugi continued. 

The silent conversation was observed by the rest of the gang, in confusion- because they couldn't hear it. That’s how silent conversations usually go.

“Maybe Mokuba knows something…?” Anzu finally asked, breaking what she perceived as a long silence.

“Mokuba is a baby, and should not be exposed to this,” Yugi replied.

“You’re so right,” Kaiba said aloud, “Mokuba should  _ never _ be exposed to this.”

“But Mokuba knows Kaiba better than anyone else,” Honda interjected, “so maybe we can just ask him without having Kaiba around to scar him for life?”

Meanwhile, at Kaiba Corp HQ, Mokuba Kaiba sneezed.

Yugi paused, confused by Kaiba’s comment. What in the fresh hell did he mean by that? Was he implying that he was possessed by some sort of… Nega Kaiba? Maybe, he thought for a moment, the real Kaiba’s instinct to protect Mokuba  _ was  _ the key to getting rid of this horrible Worse Kaiba. Yugi moved to share his revelation with the rest of the gang, but escaping the range of Terrible Imposter Kaiba was proving difficult. (Particularly considering the fact that, every time Yugi tried to move farther away, Kaiba would take a step closer to him.)

“So, wait, do you guys want me to exorcise Kaiba or not?” Bakura wondered confusedly.

“Keep the holy water in your bag for now, but be ready to smash it over his head if need be.”

"Like if I'm going to christen a ship leaving port?"

“What? No, this isn’t Shrek,” Yugi replied, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Howdy pardners,” yeehawd Yusei Fudo, entering from stage left. (Being a goth, Yusei couldn’t have a goth phase, so he decided to have a cowboy phase instead.) His spurs jangled threateningly as he stepped towards the Imposter Kaiba.

“”””Kaiba”””” gasped, looking almost comfortingly Kaiba-like in his unsettledness.

"Yusei Fudo… or should I call you.. YEEHAW FUDO?" Exclaimed the Mock Kaiba, doing an impressive rendition of what an actual Kaiba might have said.

“That’s my name, pardner, don’t wear it out!” Yusei “Yeehaw” Fudo said in a bad imitation of a Texas accent. The momentary reprieve of chaos granted by Yeehaw Fudo's entrance returned full force as everyone realized that he wasn't supposed to be at school.

“Uh, not to be rude or anything, but… Sorry, who the hell are you?” Jounouchi questioned.

“That’s my dear old friend Yeehaw,” said “Kaiba” cheerfully. The cheer did not extend to "Yeehaw" Fudo's stoic cowboy visage. “He’s friends with the  _ real _ King of Games.”

_ “Oh my god, Kaiba said the F-word,”  _ Yugi gasped, eyes going wide in horror. And it didn't even look like it pained him to do so!

“Fool! Everyone knows Kaiba doesn’t have friends!” Knife Yugi exclaimed, pointing dramatically at “Kaiba”. The Wrong Kaiba almost appeared hurt by this statement, as if Kaiba could be wounded emotionally. “Also,” Knife Yugi continued, “what the hell do you  _ mean _ ‘real’ King of Games?”

"Jack Assless, the man in Bedazzled Blue Jean's and not much else." Said Yeehaw Fudo, in a less forced Texan Accent.

“Oh,  _ that _ bitch, he has my twitter handle…” Yami muttered. 

"You have a twitter??" Asked a confused and slightly betrayed Yugi.

“I do, and believe me, it is NOT easy to access on your flip phone,” Knife Yugi replied, oblivious to the confused looks from his friends.

"I thought we agreed, that once Twitter came out we'd get one and SHARE it! How could you go behind my back like this, Other Me?!”

Knife Yugi stuck his tongue out. “I spend most of my time behind your back.”

“What does that  _ mean _ …?” Jounouchi wondered aloud.

_ “I didn’t mean PHYSICALLY,”  _ Yugi huffed.

(Meanwhile, Yeehaw was making increasingly obnoxious lassoing motions, and saying his name over and over, like a Pokemon.)

“Wait, I’m confused, wh- What does Yugi’s twitter-  _ Why _ is there a cowboy here?” Honda stammered, frowning deeply and trying, and failing, to figure out what the hell was going on.

“You shouldn’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to, Honda.” Knife Yugi said, while tossing a knife in the air to see if Yeehaw Fudo could get his lasso to pass around it without touching it. What Yeehaw instead managed to do was fling the knife right towards Imposter-Kaiba’s still smiling face. 

To Yeehaw’s horror, Worse Kaiba somehow managed to catch the knife- Between two Duel Monsters cards, naturally. Just then, from around the corner, a familiar, disturbing, and -at this point- fantastic, laugh rang out in such a way as it only could from Seto Motherfucking Kaiba.

“I see you have all met Kaiiba.” Seto Motherfucking Kaiba said as he slow clapped through his laughter.

“Oh my god there’s two of them,” gasped Honda at Seto Motherfucking Kaibas appearance.

“This town ain’t big enough for two Kaibas,” Yeehaw drawled.

“Thankfully, there aren’t two Kaibas. There’s me, Seto Kaiba, and then there’s Kaiiba.” Seto Motherfucking Kaiba explained as if it made any goddamn sense.

“What’s a Kai-tuba?” Bakura wondered.

“No, no. Kaiiba.” said Seto Motherfucking Kaiba. “You’re pronouncing it wrong.”

“How the fuck are you saying those sounds with your mouth?” Yuugi interrupted, a baffled look on his face. This question prompted Seto Motherfucking Kaiba to give yugi his most withering stare, as if it was an incredulous question and not an innate ability of all people. 

“But I’m not saying those sounds with my mouth,” he said, ominously.

This was the point at which Jounouchi quietly got down to the floor and crawled into a ball.

“I’m saying them… with…” Kaiba took a deep breath, “MY… SURROUND SOUND SYSTEM. THAT I RECENTLY INSTALLED IN MY COAT,” Seto Motherfucking Kaiba finished yelling.

“YEEHAW!!!!!!!” yeehawed Yeehaw.

“Thank you Yeehaw.” said Knife Yugi, nodding as if this was an important statement.

Meanwhile, Anzu and Bakura had been playing a very intense game of 3 person patty-cake with Kaiiba after acknowledging the presence of what appeared to be the real Seto Motherfucking Kaiba.

O: Wait wasn’t Kaiiba yami kaiba. im so confused guys pls help :(

B: Ollie we have discord but yea evil fucked up yami kaiba is now also kaiiba.

S: No it's fine leave this in it adds to the joke

O: ok but like arent they sharing a body tho

S: What about yuugi and knife yugi then?

O: theyve been sharing a body the entire time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B: Dont think too hard. is joak. 

Anyways, Kaiba continued to speak via surround sound system while Kaiiba controlled his body and played patty-cake.

“Hey, Kaiba. You wanna hear what a punch sounds like in surround sound?” Honda inquired. Not waiting for an answer, he promptly decked Seto Motherfucking Kaiba in the face.

“Wow!!!! Rude!!!!” said Kaiba.   
  


“Ow!! Fuck!!” said Honda holding his now injured hand. Turned out, Kaiba was made of solid fucking steel.

“YEEEEEHAW!!!!!” yeehawed Yeehaw once more as he pulled out a revolver.

_ “Aw, geez, not the robot Kaiba from my recurring nightmares,”  _ Regular Yuugi sighed.

“ _ Aw geez, It looks like the robot kaiba from your recurring nightmares is real _ “ said the pointlessly chipper kaiba, still hanging out in the mental link.

Yugi screamed aloud.

Knife Yuugi frowned thoughtfully for a moment, and then declared, “I’m going to try something,” before promptly switching out with Regular Yuugi.

“Me too!” said Jounouchi, exiting the building. “I’m going home!”

It was at this point that the metal kaiba turned himself inside out, in what was definitely a horrifying display, to reveal Mokuba Kaiba who had been piloting the mecha.

“Jesus, Mokuba!” Bakura said.

“So, how do you guys like my science fair project!” Mokuba said, pulling out a pen and legal pad.

Jounouchi popped his head back into the building. “I FUCKING HATE IT”

Mokuba drew a frownie face next to Jounouchi’s name on his chart.

Knife Yuugi, meanwhile, remained distinctly uninterested in Mokuba’s science project, instead launching his ghostly self at Worse Kaiba with what could only be described as the hiss of a very small yet very angry cat. He pummeled Worse Kaiba with his small-yet-pointy fists until the Kaiba-flavored meatsuit had peeled off, revealing the horrifying robotic interior.

“Awww! It took me so long to get the meatsuit right!” Mokuba complained.

”Do you guys still want me to exorcise that or…” Ryou trailed off.

“...Please,” said Anzu.

~END OF FIRST FUCKERY~

**Author's Note:**

> there may be more of our collaborative writing published in the future. hope you enjoyed !!


End file.
